Welcome to Celebrity Apprentice, Deputy Fuhrer Edition

Trump Says He Know's Who He'll Pick as Veep. Hot Tip: It Doesn't Matter.

Wanting to be Donald Trump’s vice president should disqualify any politician from holding public office for life. It is an “aspiration” that requires that an individual swear golden retriever-level loyalty to a criminal and a traitor. For many of the candidates for the job—from Marco Rubio to J.D. Vance—it requires renouncing any truth you may ever have spoken about Trump. And finally, it will require that whomever “wins” the nod spend the entire campaign and potentially a Trump term of office with his or her lips super-glued to Trump’s magnificent ass.

There will be no substantive role for a Trump VP. Trump does not want a vice president who will steal the spotlight from him. It is purely ambition for ambition’s sake with the requirement that you buy into gutting American democracy, helping Russia, and hurting our allies.

It is a vigorous competition for a chance to become Rudolph Hess without the added benefit of a sky-diving trip to Scotland. .

Hitch Your Wagon to an Anvil

Trump’s current vice presidential selection process is the moment the big dope’s TV series “The Apprentice” finally jumped the shark. Which is saying something. Bu it is hard to deny that it is more embarrassing than the Celebrity Apprentice appearances of “Snooki” from Jersey Shore, Dennis Rodman, Gary Busey, Meat Loaf and Piers Morgan added up.

It is an I-want-to-be-a-celebrity contest so desperate that it could only have been conceived by Donald Trump. I’m surprised there is not a Kardashian on Trump’s current short list.

In short, anyone who would want the job definitely should not have it.  In fact, dear voters, I would argue that were a ticket to have anyone of the nematodes on it who are currently debasing themselves competing for the favors of Kim Jong Don, that alone would be reason enough not to vote for it.

For Trump however, as is usually the case in transactions with Trump, the benefits of the VP competition are as clear as they are one-sided.

Picking a Vice President is one of the few things Trump can still do that make him look even remotely presidential. More importantly, having a prominent Republican demean themselves in pursuit of the prize of being at Trump’s side (a prize that apparently Melania Trump no longer particularly values) elevates him. You are not a super villain without minions, after all, not a Dr. Frankenstein without an Igor.

But mostly, Trump wants to play up his selection of a VP because it is a distraction from several other matters: his criminal convictions, the civil judgments against him, the pending cases against him, his impeachments, his terrible record as president, his vile history as a human being and the fact that his brain is turning to porridge.

That is why he is offering the press a steady diet of non-story stories like the recent “I’ve decided who it is, I just can’t tell you” charade of the past few days.. The press falls for it every time. In fact, I’m sure there are a bunch of them waiting for Trump to release his taxes right now.

The candidates that are reportedly on his short list are as motley a crew as you would expect given that no self-respecting human being with a brain would ever seek such a position. We have the guys that hated Trump before they learned to love him—Senators Marco Rubio and J.D. Vance, Trump’s one woman supporter who has not yet shot her dog (to our knowledge) Representative Elise Stefanik, the “nice guy” Senator whose own presidential campaign proves he does not show up on video tape, Tim Scott, the North Dakota governor whose name you can’t remember no matter how many times you have heard it (Doug Burgum), and the one guy from Trump’s cabinet who has not publicly stated he would never vote for Trump in a million years, Dr. Ben Carson.  https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/trumps-vp-shortlist-contender-picked-fall-short-111351800

Who Will It Be?

There is no doubt some galaxy brain thinking that will guide the selection of one of these choices. Stefanik is a woman, Vance is younger, Rubio is Latino, Scott and Carson are black, and Burgum is…well…he’s rich, old and has an appalling hard-right views so he would be a direct play for Trump’s real base, horrible, rich, old, white guys. Burgum is actually a billionaire which is something Trump used to play on TV so they have that in common.

Apparently, Don Jr. is pushing for Vance but surely even Trump can see that he is an absolute snake who would do anything to get ahead. (That may be why Junior can relate to him.) Personally, I think little Marco is old news, Carson is a proven zero, and Elise, well, try as she might, she is not Don’s kind of woman. In my own view—and I want to be honest with you all as you have read this far, I’m really bad at picking candidates (the first presidential candidate I voted for was John Anderson, I was very big on Paul Tsongas, and I actually played an active role in the brief presidential campaign of Senator Evan Bayh)—that leaves Scott and Burgum. I think Burgum is just too Trumpy even for Trump. And that’s why my money (and as I said, definitely don’t take my advice for this) is Tim Scott. Trump will think it helps him electorally and will allow him to say, “See, I’m not a racist…meet Tim.”

But here is where I will offer you a view that you can take to the bank. None of it matters. VP choices typically have very little impact on how well a ticket does (Kamala Harris is, in this respect, an exception…she helped Biden in a number of key ways as she continues to do). Further, we already know whomever this VP is, they will have virtually no role to play in the Trump campaign or a Trump administration should one exist.  Trump wants a vice president who will not ever think for himself as Mike Pence did. (The irony of course, is that Pence only ever thought for himself that one time.)

Essentially what Trump wants is the HOV-lane inflatable dummy of VPs. And that is almost certainly exactly what he will get.

The job of Democrats is to look past all this nonsense, this unwanted, unnecessary, unappealing 16^th seasons of Celebrity Apprentice and make sure that starting with the debate this week, they do everything in their power to focus the campaign debate on precisely the issues Trump wants to avoid. Like his character or lack thereof. Like his record. Like the puddle of porridge between his ears.

Note: If you want a really good course in how to frame campaign 2024, see the excellent appearance of Vice President Harris from today, Monday morning, on “Morning Joe.” As Jen Rubin accurately assessed in the Washington Post this weekend (and as I have been trying to convey for three and a half years), Harris is a huge asset for the administration and for the country and she has the election framed exactly right. Trump and MAGA are seeking to strip away our basic freedoms. Biden and Harris and the Democrats are seeking to defend them and our entire democratic system of government.

More on the debate tomorrow.